Sad news people. The residents of Gloucester put up a fight and annoyed the geriatric legion. The geriatric legion showed them no mercy and reduced the city to rubble.
It’s been a while since the last sighting, but apparently one has now been sighted near Gloucester. Not as big as some of the previous geriatric legions, but none the less a worry!
Not much is known about how big this geriatric legion is or what their intentions are. Unfortunately our reporter was cut off mid call. Our thoughts go out to you.. hope you made it.
With everyone uttering about the geriatric legions, they appear in the news every day, discovering where they will attack soon, it is crucial to realize where they originate from. The geriatric legions are mentioned in the newspaper on a daily basis. What the newspapers don’t mention is where the geriatric legions come from.
The geriatric legions have existed for a much longer period of time than you would suppose. It can seem like a recent phenomena but the reality is they have been in existence in one form or another for thousands of years.
The first time a geriatric legion appear in history are as the Mongols. Careful planning and some fast horses they nearly invaded the world. If it hadn’t been for the news that the stocks of tea and crumpets were getting low we would be under their rule now!
The crusades to the holy land are often called holy wars. This is not correct, they were actually formed because the geriatric legions wanted to retire somewhere warmer.
The French revolution wasn’t about the low earning rising up against the rich, but actually the geriatric legions unhappy at the poor quality cakes being produced.
World War I was again the geriatric legions kicking off. A geriatric legionnaire knocked over the dominos of a rival that of a rival legion, and the rest as they say is history.
As the name suggests, the cold war was a war over who controlled the supplies of gas to heat the houses of the geriatric legions.
Then the legions popped up again in the UK riots… that’s right people those that shall not be named are back!
This photo of a geriatric legionnaire with a hand gun was sighted up close and personal just outside Cambridge. She threatened to ‘pop a cap in our ass’ if we didn’t move along!
We didn’t get a name… we didn’t want to stick around to find out if she would shoot!
A geriatric legionnaire went to the doctor
all covered in bumps.
He said “you’ve got chicken pox,
measles and mumps.”
He said “you’ve got whooping cough,
from green salmonella.
“You’ve got halitosis
You’ve also got athletes foot
“You’re covered with head lice,
mosquitoes and fleas.
You’ve even got pink-eye
and mad cow disease.
“What’s more you’ve got cooties,
a cold and the flu,
but don’t be upset;
I know just what to do.”
He told me “I promise
this won’t hurt a bit,”
then grabbed a syringe
like a barbeque spit.
He made me bend over
the seat of my chair
then plunged that big needle
in my you-know-where.
So now I’m all cured
of my cooties and fleas,
my whooping cough, measles
and mad cow disease.
He cured me of every last
sniffle and bump,
and now I’m all better
except for my rump.
Originally by Kenn Nesbitt
Brandishing knitting needles this lot look up for a skirmish. They have smashed up a few youth centres so far, and have chased the youths away.
If you are in the area, I’d get out the way of the geriatric legion as soon as you can!!
“The was a geriatric legionaire of the isles
Who suffered severely from piles
He couldn’t sit down
Without a deep frown
So he had to row standing for miles”
“I know a geriatric legionnaire called Lou,
Who would site on the road eating stew.
I don’t know if I’ll stay,
I’ll be home for the play,
then we’ll eat two raccoons at the zoo!”
News flash. A geriatric legions was sighted marching towards Sunderland earlier today. Apparently they have some mercenary Geordie football fans with them, wearing black and white striped tops and sipping on the brown stuff. A passer-by overheard some of the mercenaries say “Lerruz flush them Mackem’s doon the nettie”, which I have been reliably informed translates from Geordie to English as “Let’s flush those splendid chaps from Sunderland down the Lavatory”.
This pensioner has been signed up close and personal. The photographer only just survived this encounter with the massive sword wielding geriatric legionnaire Betty!
Betty has the strength of 3 men, and the reflexes of an expresso drinking cat.
Betty is one of the toughest geriatric legionnaires, and rumour has it she single handedly wiped out an entire town in 24mins.
Be wary, stay safe, keep away from Betty if she hasn’t had her morning cup of tea!
Sighted just outside St Ives is a geriatric legion of approximately 1000 pensioners massing ready to march. They look like they mean business, and we’ve been told they are well supplied with hot beverages and rich tea biscuits.
Ok this is the first post on the geriatric legions website. For more information about the geriatric legions visit our ‘about us page’ in the top menu.
Regular updates on the geriatric legions will appear here, including legion members up close and personal, and where the legions have been sighted.
Watch this space, and stay safe…